[he looks surprised at this - it's what he'd say, so maybe he shouldn't be - but sometimes you don't expect any consideration to be given to you as a sword
at first he seems to struggle, not because he doesn't want to answer but he doesn't know how to put words to it
in the end - he is one of the better swords at talking about feelings]
... I'm angry - not at any of you. Just at this place.
And myself, for not being... better. Smarter. More helpful.
Well—I can't act like I'm not also mad at people. But I'm mostly mad at this place. And if it's any consolation, I think everyone's with you in wishing they were smarter at the end of a day like this.
[ both sides feel the same way, ultimately. she's sure of this. ]
You should be mad at people. I guess what I said is wrong - I still haven't forgiven my teammate. It's a weird feeling for me, but I can't shake it.
[for a lot of things! so many things!!! but they're really the only one that buzen's still mad at]
.... but it really pisses me off. If they aren't telling you, you should know that even the person who killed this week didn't want to. They got a phone call saying that it was kill or be killed.
That's not enough to absolve them to me - but it is one more messed up thing about this system.
[ but, hmm. she's quiet for a bit, because. oof. Don't Like That. even if actually she kind of does like that, because it's at least better than having to know people are just Willing To Kill. ]
... Who—who was the phone call from? Do you know? [ probably not, but she has to ask. ]
But I do want everyone to know. I'm not - [he looks thoughtful about how to say this] I'm not mad at someone trying to save their own life. I think that's what we're all trying to do here.
She didn't mention any sort of call when I talked to her. She sounded like she had just chosen to done it—she was just desperate to get back to life and protect her home.
But I don't know. I didn't know her that well, so maybe she just didn't want to tell me.
[ ... so. ]
Thanks. For telling me. I know you want everyone to know, but—still.
[he nods at that, he'd heard a lot of the same. but at the gratitude he blinks a few times before smiling faintly. it's weak and tired, but sincere]
... I think you're really smart, Al-san. You're right. I do want everyone to know, but...
I think telling you sooner than later feels like a good idea. I believe in what you can do. I don't want to put too much on your shoulders - and if you trust me enough to help you, I'll always want to.
But I do want you to know that I think well of you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I never expected to win this whole thing, not when there's so many of you humans here.
I just want a little more time.
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It always is.
[a tilt of his head]
Have any questions I can try to answer?
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How are you feeling?
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not the question he was expecting. his expression flickers]
Me? That's not...
[ . . . ]
Al-san, I knew. You shouldn't care about how I'm feeling.
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I can be mad and I can still care at the same time.
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at first he seems to struggle, not because he doesn't want to answer but he doesn't know how to put words to it
in the end - he is one of the better swords at talking about feelings]
... I'm angry - not at any of you. Just at this place.
And myself, for not being... better. Smarter. More helpful.
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Well—I can't act like I'm not also mad at people. But I'm mostly mad at this place. And if it's any consolation, I think everyone's with you in wishing they were smarter at the end of a day like this.
[ both sides feel the same way, ultimately. she's sure of this. ]
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[for a lot of things! so many things!!! but they're really the only one that buzen's still mad at]
.... but it really pisses me off. If they aren't telling you, you should know that even the person who killed this week didn't want to. They got a phone call saying that it was kill or be killed.
That's not enough to absolve them to me - but it is one more messed up thing about this system.
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[ but, hmm. she's quiet for a bit, because. oof. Don't Like That. even if actually she kind of does like that, because it's at least better than having to know people are just Willing To Kill. ]
... Who—who was the phone call from? Do you know? [ probably not, but she has to ask. ]
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If I did, I'd know where to point my sword.
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... Well. God. That's going to keep things moving.
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[ . . . ]
But I do want everyone to know. I'm not - [he looks thoughtful about how to say this] I'm not mad at someone trying to save their own life. I think that's what we're all trying to do here.
... I'm just still mad about who they chose.
[literally why rin]
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[ if she were hearing this from someone else, she might doubt it for a bit. but she really doesn't think buzen would lie. ]
... Well. Now we'll be able to tell everyone.
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... yeah. At least they can try to prepare themselves for getting that call. I don't know if Yuyu-san got it too or if it just started this week.
But... it's better to know.
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But I don't know. I didn't know her that well, so maybe she just didn't want to tell me.
[ ... so. ]
Thanks. For telling me. I know you want everyone to know, but—still.
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... I think you're really smart, Al-san. You're right. I do want everyone to know, but...
I think telling you sooner than later feels like a good idea. I believe in what you can do. I don't want to put too much on your shoulders - and if you trust me enough to help you, I'll always want to.
But I do want you to know that I think well of you.
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... We're gonna figure this out. We've got enough people who want to.
And it'll be easier if we're all on the same page.