[ fair point, he was not watching her all day because that would be weird. also he definitely fucked off at random points today, so. ]
Well it was definitely a surprise, I'll give you that.
[ he is going to hold the cigarette between his teeth for a sec while taking the pin to pin on the lapel of his jacket, just hidden mostly under the fold of his hoodie. there. ]
Okay yeah, dumb I'm wearing it, I can agree. [ he says, not taking it off. ] But I have zero explanation for you actually making it. That's all on you.
[ and she thought it would make him laugh, and he's been stressed. obviously. they've been in crisis mode from basically the moment they met, so she's not totally sure she's ever seen him not stressed but.
they have some down time. they have a little more freedom right now, in the slow parts of the crisis. ]
[ spoilers: she has not. the amounts of stress have varied, and even jonas himself has admitted he has been a very stressed out person.
but they have some downtime and, weirdly, today was like...fun. he's hesitant to think about it too hard because there's always that little thing in the back of his head waiting for the other shoe to drop but for the moment, today was fun. people were chaotic. people were bonding, or whatever, and even their team was in good spirits and easy to agree with each other.
recalibrating to learn how to not constantly be in crisis mode...maybe isn't bad. ]
Acting on impulse. [ but given the fact he's still grinning about it he's very obviously amused. ] I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say thanks or not.
[ she feels all of that too - the dissipation of some of the fear. finding out what their task was had been a relief, and she'd gotten swept up in the fun of running around and playing.
but they're on slightly different wavelengths again, because now that it's over... she's also thinking: is it bad that all i did was play around? if this is a competition and these are the tasks, how is that going to get us out of here? would sabotaging people more have actually helped? how are points going to be calculated from that?
with the excitement worn off, she's kind of just feeling. left here. covered in paint and buzzing with a stress that had been put on pause, only to come back... shifted slightly to the left.
which is why she is out here giving him this while he smokes instead of waiting inside or something. anxiety isn't real if you distract yourself hard enough!! ]
You're supposed to say whatever you want to say. I'm not the boss of you.
[ despite what the pin seems to imply. he doesn't reply right away, a drag of his cigarette filling the lack of action on his part as he tries to assess what he thinks.
"i'm pretty sure you don't want me to say whatever i want to say right at this moment."
he'd known today's task would be team bonding, but the reapers hadn't said what that meant. alex and jonas had agreed that they had a team with kazuki and setsu, but that the two of them were their own team.
the worst is yet to come. inevitably. it's sort of like being on the titanic and seeing the iceberg as the boat drifts ahead. it's sort of like being on the tracks and seeing the headlights of a train coming as you're trapped in place. it's sort of like being in a bomb shelter and knowing you're walking straight into a possible trap.
but, simultaneously. it's different for him because it still feels a little like he finally was able to settle in somewhere that actually fits without the jagged, confusing edges. yes. there's everything bad about the game and all of the incredibly awful and morbid possibilities. they are all thinking about them. how could they not? but it's. okay, it's stupid to say that it kind of feels like he actually belongs somewhere again because that implies he belongs to alex. which. he doesn't. that's weird. but.
mmmmrrphgrphgph.
maybe it's just kind of nice not to be an afterthought in times of crisis. ]
It's the stupidest gift I've ever gotten. [ he finally says, but he turns his head just a little to glance at her. ] Which is probably why it's also the best one.
[ if she weren't being a weird stress-ball, she would probably make a comment about how low the bar must be. and that would be kind of mean, in the clumsy way that she tends to be sometimes.
so - at least there's an up-side to her being more focused on trying to be calm and cool and fine. she lets out a little puff of a laugh, content to just stay lingering nearby. ]
alex is still lingering and jonas is leaning against their warehouse and the adrenaline of following everyone's chaos is winding down. and yet...it's only been a few days, and it still feels right to be active at night still. it's why he takes another few moments of watching her subtly before he finally pushes himself off the wall. ]
Let's go.
[ where? probably doesn't matter. he figures if he starts to lead, she'll follow. they could both use the wind-down time even if he has zero idea that she's anxious about stuff at all. ]
[ she immediately falls into step beside him without questioning it. ]
Where to?
[ ... okay, well, without questioning that they're going somewhere. and she kind of knows the answer might just be 'wherever' but - just in case he knows where he's going. ]
Figured we'd know when we got there. [ so yeah, the answer is "wherever." ] I guess we could go back to IKEA. Shenhe got paint all over one of our towels because I let her borrow it earlier.
I haven't gotten to steal anything yet, so that sounds good to me. [ let's steal!!! even though she is maybe even more conspicuous than usual since there's still dried paint all over her. ]
[ yeah she probably should have cleaned up but whatever too late for that. they are already heading to ikea. ]
You're in luck then. Kind of one of my specialties. [ stealing! sometimes you can joke about being a klepto because there's maybe some tiny shreds of truth in that. ]
[ she's valid. he rolls his eyes at the nickname but he doesn't say anything at first as they walk.
eventually, though, he offers something. ]
...it was sort of just a thing to do sometimes instead of sticking around my house by myself. See what would happen. [ he doesn't elaborate beyond that, but he figures alex can read between the lines. it was something he sometimes dabbled in or at least considered while his mom was sick and his dad was spending time with her. ]
[ alex definitely understands not wanting to be at home. she understands feeling that way when the house is too empty and she understands feeling that way when it's too loud. after michael had died, it had fluctuated back and forth between both.
but acting out like that is more foreign to her. and like all the little things jonas tells her, it's interesting, and she thinks about it for a moment before asking for more. ]
... Did you want to get caught?
[ if it were her, that would have been the motivation. ]
I don't know. [ it feels more like the answer is reflexive than a real one, but there is something in the tone to suggest that it's a possibility, too. ] Probably at least a little, but every time I didn't was another thing I beat the odds of.
[ being caught, at least, would have been something to at least...change the pattern. but not being caught was a way of jonas being able to have some control over something when everything else was beyond his control. ]
I might've had better luck getting caught if it were a bank or something instead of the gas stations and big-box stores we went to.
[ she might not have an exact handle on the goal or the precise emotions going on there, but she does understand the... catalyst, maybe. that it's related. it's not the same thing, but she had started skipping school, and that probably feels different, but it comes from the same place.
she thinks. it's at least close enough. ]
Repercussions would be worst, though. If you're gonna get caught, it's better to get caught taking small stuff.
[ she's quiet for a moment, because "and then things were starting to get kind of bad" seems like it needs some space. but that's not really something to pry into.
and it's like even though she knows it's kind of a way of acting out, she also doesn't exactly. care? enough to discourage it. who cares. things are bad and sometimes you steal. that's none of her business. ]
... It's for the better. I mean it's—it'll help us out, here.
We already have a lot but it can't hurt to have more. [ a pause. ] I guess I should buy some other clothes, too. [ speaking of t-shirts. he won't steal clothes yet. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Well it was definitely a surprise, I'll give you that.
[ he is going to hold the cigarette between his teeth for a sec while taking the pin to pin on the lapel of his jacket, just hidden mostly under the fold of his hoodie. there. ]
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[ don't say that about a gift you gave someone??? she sounds amused, at least. ]
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[ so, kind of both kind of neither? ]
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[ and she thought it would make him laugh, and he's been stressed. obviously. they've been in crisis mode from basically the moment they met, so she's not totally sure she's ever seen him not stressed but.
they have some down time. they have a little more freedom right now, in the slow parts of the crisis. ]
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but they have some downtime and, weirdly, today was like...fun. he's hesitant to think about it too hard because there's always that little thing in the back of his head waiting for the other shoe to drop but for the moment, today was fun. people were chaotic. people were bonding, or whatever, and even their team was in good spirits and easy to agree with each other.
recalibrating to learn how to not constantly be in crisis mode...maybe isn't bad. ]
Acting on impulse. [ but given the fact he's still grinning about it he's very obviously amused. ] I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say thanks or not.
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but they're on slightly different wavelengths again, because now that it's over... she's also thinking: is it bad that all i did was play around? if this is a competition and these are the tasks, how is that going to get us out of here? would sabotaging people more have actually helped? how are points going to be calculated from that?
with the excitement worn off, she's kind of just feeling. left here. covered in paint and buzzing with a stress that had been put on pause, only to come back... shifted slightly to the left.
which is why she is out here giving him this while he smokes instead of waiting inside or something. anxiety isn't real if you distract yourself hard enough!! ]
You're supposed to say whatever you want to say. I'm not the boss of you.
[ despite. what the pin seems to imply. ]
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"i'm pretty sure you don't want me to say whatever i want to say right at this moment."
he'd known today's task would be team bonding, but the reapers hadn't said what that meant. alex and jonas had agreed that they had a team with kazuki and setsu, but that the two of them were their own team.
the worst is yet to come. inevitably. it's sort of like being on the titanic and seeing the iceberg as the boat drifts ahead. it's sort of like being on the tracks and seeing the headlights of a train coming as you're trapped in place. it's sort of like being in a bomb shelter and knowing you're walking straight into a possible trap.
but, simultaneously. it's different for him because it still feels a little like he finally was able to settle in somewhere that actually fits without the jagged, confusing edges. yes. there's everything bad about the game and all of the incredibly awful and morbid possibilities. they are all thinking about them. how could they not? but it's. okay, it's stupid to say that it kind of feels like he actually belongs somewhere again because that implies he belongs to alex. which. he doesn't. that's weird. but.
mmmmrrphgrphgph.
maybe it's just kind of nice not to be an afterthought in times of crisis. ]
It's the stupidest gift I've ever gotten. [ he finally says, but he turns his head just a little to glance at her. ] Which is probably why it's also the best one.
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so - at least there's an up-side to her being more focused on trying to be calm and cool and fine. she lets out a little puff of a laugh, content to just stay lingering nearby. ]
Cool. Carry on.
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alex is still lingering and jonas is leaning against their warehouse and the adrenaline of following everyone's chaos is winding down. and yet...it's only been a few days, and it still feels right to be active at night still. it's why he takes another few moments of watching her subtly before he finally pushes himself off the wall. ]
Let's go.
[ where? probably doesn't matter. he figures if he starts to lead, she'll follow. they could both use the wind-down time even if he has zero idea that she's anxious about stuff at all. ]
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Where to?
[ ... okay, well, without questioning that they're going somewhere. and she kind of knows the answer might just be 'wherever' but - just in case he knows where he's going. ]
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I haven't gotten to steal anything yet, so that sounds good to me. [ let's steal!!! even though she is maybe even more conspicuous than usual since there's still dried paint all over her. ]
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You're in luck then. Kind of one of my specialties. [ stealing! sometimes you can joke about being a klepto because there's maybe some tiny shreds of truth in that. ]
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and unfortunately she doesn't think too deeply about the klepto joke and just internally goes: haha. cool. ]
Well, you are bad-boy Jonas.
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eventually, though, he offers something. ]
...it was sort of just a thing to do sometimes instead of sticking around my house by myself. See what would happen. [ he doesn't elaborate beyond that, but he figures alex can read between the lines. it was something he sometimes dabbled in or at least considered while his mom was sick and his dad was spending time with her. ]
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but acting out like that is more foreign to her. and like all the little things jonas tells her, it's interesting, and she thinks about it for a moment before asking for more. ]
... Did you want to get caught?
[ if it were her, that would have been the motivation. ]
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[ being caught, at least, would have been something to at least...change the pattern. but not being caught was a way of jonas being able to have some control over something when everything else was beyond his control. ]
I might've had better luck getting caught if it were a bank or something instead of the gas stations and big-box stores we went to.
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[ she might not have an exact handle on the goal or the precise emotions going on there, but she does understand the... catalyst, maybe. that it's related. it's not the same thing, but she had started skipping school, and that probably feels different, but it comes from the same place.
she thinks. it's at least close enough. ]
Repercussions would be worst, though. If you're gonna get caught, it's better to get caught taking small stuff.
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[ he stops, deciding not to elaborate. ]
Moved on to other stuff. But...still skills I have, I guess. For better or worse.
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and it's like even though she knows it's kind of a way of acting out, she also doesn't exactly. care? enough to discourage it. who cares. things are bad and sometimes you steal. that's none of her business. ]
... It's for the better. I mean it's—it'll help us out, here.
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...yeah. So towels. Maybe a few more of those sharks? We could even try for a few actual pillows. Like those small ones people use for couches.
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And I won't say no to starting a shark collection.
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