[ wolfwood, your thoughts... they're a jumble, which alex thinks means he's going to have trouble articulating himself. so. instead of letting herself get any more frustrated or let down, she's just - saying, very gently: ]
Hey. Calm down, okay? I'm listening, you don't have to rush.
[ listen, it would be wild if alex suddenly started expecting others to provide her with comfort in her lowest moments when historically no one has done that before. sometimes you gotta be the adult. ]
Okay. So we just... have no one to blame. We lost Setsu to—no one. Freak accident, I guess. [ she is genuinely trying to sound neutral but it's comic out a little passive-aggressive by virtue of she is a sad and angry teenager.
and unfortunately her thoughts are worse. What fucking fallout? He hasn't said a word to me after implying we could have killed Setsu ourselves. He hasn't said a word to me since we found out.
more gently, because this is less lashing out and more trying desperately to make someone understand: ] The next one of us that gets picked off for the numbers, do we get to be mad at someone for that?
[ Hey he tried to comfort her when he was like wow you really... just keep being in charge of body discovery. But yeah pretty much, unfortunately his want to at least clarify things trumps the easy route, which is to simply be honestly angry.
Normally he does try to respect people's thoughts because he hates them being read himself, but -- ]
It's because he doesn't know. He'd be fucked up if he knew. I don't -- have the answers either, I know it's, not not him. Blame me for it if anything. [ Because maybe none of this would have ever happened if I didn't fail him back at the orphanage. ] I know it can't be a secret and I'm trying to figure out how to do it in a way that isn't going to make him want to self-destruct.
[ The energy is like that of a cornered dog, ready to snap back, but as yelps more than snarls. ]
No one's gonna "pick you off". Between your team and mine, we've both got three, and mine's way more likely.
[ And if it's gotta be anyone at all, I'll be it. ]
How would blaming you help? If you want me blaming anyone besides the one who did it, I can just go all the way back and blame the game itself. So, there. Done. The game is screwed up, the game waited weeks and weeks and then took Setsu away from us. Tragedies happen.
[ Like Michael. it's not that simple, but look. she knows she's not getting anything better from him. ]
So okay. Livio can't know that he did it. Or whoever. This is still really unclear, but sure. We have to just... deal. Because you say so. That's—fine. Sure. I get it.
But when everyone is getting messages telling us not to take out whole teams, even if you guys get targeted—which, I'm not saying is better, by the way... It's a numbers game. I figure one of us goes on Thursday, one of us goes on Sunday, guilty or not. [ And you don't get to choose. I would have chosen me, too. You don't get to choose. ]
Razlo said it was my fault anyway. Does that help? You can think of it like I forced him into it.
[ There's a moment of black static, a wild and defensive thought like a shot fired at the thought of 'Michael' before it's reined back. No, not that Michael. ]
I know it's shit. And I wish you couldn't blame him or let it go, but I know I can't. If one of you killed him 'cause the game said it was you or him, I know I'd be pissed.
But I also know I'd just want to know why, so I just want... you to know why. And that he wasn't... trying to lie to you right in your faces or throw you under the bus.
[ He can't clear Livio's name and it would be dishonest, but if he can clear up at least any extra negativity on top of it all, it might be the least he can hope for. ]
Why would I want to do that? You want me to go from blaming one guy I liked to someone I like more? Setsu is gone and we're screwed, and it doesn't help to cover my eyes and spin around to point my finger at a different friend.
[ and she... flinches at that reaction to michael. Michael died, and I wasn't allowed to stay upset, I had to just— ]
... I don't understand what you're talking about with—like, I don't understand how it wasn't him, but I believe you. I already said fine. I don't know why we're making up scenarios for you to be angry at us in. [ her voice is breaking a bit, here, but she really is trying to just. suck it up. ]
[ There's a vague face he makes and a somewhat juvenile thought of What do you mean more? because god be damned if this boy actually understands that people might genuinely like him.
But he breathes. He closes his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. [ His voice is thick too, and so tired. ] I don't wanna tell you to be angry. I just don't want you to think Livio's this cruel asshole who was toyin' with you on purpose, I know that it doesn't make any of us feel better. If he was ever cruel, it was Chapel's doing, and he's free of that asshole now.
[ The Eye of Michael, funny. Think they call it irony. ]
He still said it like we could have done it ourselves. That was still cruel, and it's still the last thing he said. And I don't know anything about what you're trying to tell me, so how am I supposed to just know this can't happen again?
... We all know we're doomed. [ I can't get them home this time. ] So can we just be sad, at least? While we wait?
[ her voice wobbles a bit, with this, because her grief has been cut short every single time in an effort not to bother anyone, and the pileup is getting difficult. ]
It was on the table for one team. Then there's the points, but we've pretty explicitly been told no one can get enough to buy everyone back. So I don't know. Maybe there's more to it than that.
I trust Froggystyle. And I want to trust you. Wanting us to trust Justice with the specific kills on their team is a big ask, though. Not, uh, that it really matters anyway.
... But if it does fall to you, somehow? It's Jonas first. Then Setsu and Kazuki. Okay?
[ He makes a face at that. And fair enough with Justice, he won't try to argue that. ]
They love you as much as you love them.
[ ...But he doesn't tell her to change her mind about this either, or outright refute her, because. He's the exact same when it comes to things like that. He'd rather they revive Vash and Livio over him. ]
I know they do. That's why we're all—that's why this weekend was hard. I know that every team has lost people they care about, so it's not like I think we're alone in that. But we spent a lot of time together before being separated. So... I know they do.
[ ... ]
But this isn't about love. [ It's not just about love. ] Even if I did make it out of this place, I'd still just be stuck in a timeloop. It's not even—I might not even be accomplishing anything in there. So this is pragmatism.
[ she generally avoids talking about. a lot of things. but the times are getting dire, so fuck it. ]
... Like Setsu.
It's a long story and it really doesn't matter. The point is, this isn't just some self-sacrificial thing. It's just working with the reality of the situation.
They told me pretty early on that they were working their ass off to free themselves and a friend from their... loop.
[ It's evident that he still has a hard time wrapping his mind around the concept as his own time moves pretty linearly... well, to his knowledge anyway, but he's certainly been trying. ]
They'd all try to save you too.
[ Jonas would. Speaking of Jonas. ]
...Just you?
Edited (i really just said "it" like that means something) 2023-07-26 08:30 (UTC)
[ He wonders if he should even try to say it, because it's a hopeful stance that not even he himself really believes in, but -- ]
My world's fucking ending. Crazy psychopath going full goddamn seraph of the end. Apocalypse. The planet's dying. People are bein' massacred in the thousands. Maybe not from Vash's, or Livio's point of view anymore, 'cause they come from some time after me and I'm not there to see it, but it's as real as it gets for me. That's why I need them both alive, 'cause they're the only ones that I know can stop it.
...But scholar -- Kaveh, kept bringin' up the idea that he'd want to use his god's wisdom to try to build something and change my reality. That if we're gonna have the resources with all these different dimensions and shit, then why not at least try.
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Hey. Calm down, okay? I'm listening, you don't have to rush.
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I'm calm. [ Somewhat forced, and really he's not exactly the ideal image of calm, but he's better than he was yesterday. Or even earlier today. ]
He wouldn't have ever done it if it were up to him. Is all I'm sayin'. But he's the one who's havin' to deal with the fallout.
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Okay. So we just... have no one to blame. We lost Setsu to—no one. Freak accident, I guess. [ she is genuinely trying to sound neutral but it's comic out a little passive-aggressive by virtue of she is a sad and angry teenager.
and unfortunately her thoughts are worse. What fucking fallout? He hasn't said a word to me after implying we could have killed Setsu ourselves. He hasn't said a word to me since we found out.
more gently, because this is less lashing out and more trying desperately to make someone understand: ] The next one of us that gets picked off for the numbers, do we get to be mad at someone for that?
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Normally he does try to respect people's thoughts because he hates them being read himself, but -- ]
It's because he doesn't know. He'd be fucked up if he knew. I don't -- have the answers either, I know it's, not not him. Blame me for it if anything. [ Because maybe none of this would have ever happened if I didn't fail him back at the orphanage. ] I know it can't be a secret and I'm trying to figure out how to do it in a way that isn't going to make him want to self-destruct.
[ The energy is like that of a cornered dog, ready to snap back, but as yelps more than snarls. ]
No one's gonna "pick you off". Between your team and mine, we've both got three, and mine's way more likely.
[ And if it's gotta be anyone at all, I'll be it. ]
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How would blaming you help? If you want me blaming anyone besides the one who did it, I can just go all the way back and blame the game itself. So, there. Done. The game is screwed up, the game waited weeks and weeks and then took Setsu away from us. Tragedies happen.
[ Like Michael. it's not that simple, but look. she knows she's not getting anything better from him. ]
So okay. Livio can't know that he did it. Or whoever. This is still really unclear, but sure. We have to just... deal. Because you say so. That's—fine. Sure. I get it.
But when everyone is getting messages telling us not to take out whole teams, even if you guys get targeted—which, I'm not saying is better, by the way... It's a numbers game. I figure one of us goes on Thursday, one of us goes on Sunday, guilty or not. [ And you don't get to choose. I would have chosen me, too. You don't get to choose. ]
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[ There's a moment of black static, a wild and defensive thought like a shot fired at the thought of 'Michael' before it's reined back. No, not that Michael. ]
I know it's shit. And I wish you couldn't blame him or let it go, but I know I can't. If one of you killed him 'cause the game said it was you or him, I know I'd be pissed.
But I also know I'd just want to know why, so I just want... you to know why. And that he wasn't... trying to lie to you right in your faces or throw you under the bus.
[ He can't clear Livio's name and it would be dishonest, but if he can clear up at least any extra negativity on top of it all, it might be the least he can hope for. ]
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[ and she... flinches at that reaction to michael. Michael died, and I wasn't allowed to stay upset, I had to just— ]
... I don't understand what you're talking about with—like, I don't understand how it wasn't him, but I believe you. I already said fine. I don't know why we're making up scenarios for you to be angry at us in. [ her voice is breaking a bit, here, but she really is trying to just. suck it up. ]
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But he breathes. He closes his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. [ His voice is thick too, and so tired. ] I don't wanna tell you to be angry. I just don't want you to think Livio's this cruel asshole who was toyin' with you on purpose, I know that it doesn't make any of us feel better. If he was ever cruel, it was Chapel's doing, and he's free of that asshole now.
[ The Eye of Michael, funny. Think they call it irony. ]
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... We all know we're doomed. [ I can't get them home this time. ] So can we just be sad, at least? While we wait?
[ her voice wobbles a bit, with this, because her grief has been cut short every single time in an effort not to bother anyone, and the pileup is getting difficult. ]
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[ This is not an attempted joke, sometimes you cope by insulting the shit out of some people even if you care about them. ]
We'll make it work. We have to. We will.
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sulking is just wasting everyone's time. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure there's something. So we've heard, right?
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Yeah. And bein' able to revive was always on the table from the very beginning. They'll come back, for sure.
[ TBD... is their :man_standing: mascots... grits teeth. Reunite them. ]
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It was on the table for one team. Then there's the points, but we've pretty explicitly been told no one can get enough to buy everyone back. So I don't know. Maybe there's more to it than that.
No reason not to hope.
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We might be in third, but you'd have my promise on the chance that it somehow falls to us.
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... But if it does fall to you, somehow? It's Jonas first. Then Setsu and Kazuki. Okay?
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They love you as much as you love them.
[ ...But he doesn't tell her to change her mind about this either, or outright refute her, because. He's the exact same when it comes to things like that. He'd rather they revive Vash and Livio over him. ]
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[ ... ]
But this isn't about love. [ It's not just about love. ] Even if I did make it out of this place, I'd still just be stuck in a timeloop. It's not even—I might not even be accomplishing anything in there. So this is pragmatism.
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Like Setsu...? ]
What's that about...?
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... Like Setsu.
It's a long story and it really doesn't matter. The point is, this isn't just some self-sacrificial thing. It's just working with the reality of the situation.
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[ It's evident that he still has a hard time wrapping his mind around the concept as his own time moves pretty linearly... well, to his knowledge anyway, but he's certainly been trying. ]
They'd all try to save you too.
[ Jonas would. Speaking of Jonas. ]
...Just you?
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And I appreciate that sentiment, really. It's sweet. But it's—what do you think anyone can do? [ that isn't really a question. ]
Yeah. Just me. That's the whole point.
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[ He wonders if he should even try to say it, because it's a hopeful stance that not even he himself really believes in, but -- ]
My world's fucking ending. Crazy psychopath going full goddamn seraph of the end. Apocalypse. The planet's dying. People are bein' massacred in the thousands. Maybe not from Vash's, or Livio's point of view anymore, 'cause they come from some time after me and I'm not there to see it, but it's as real as it gets for me. That's why I need them both alive, 'cause they're the only ones that I know can stop it.
...But scholar -- Kaveh, kept bringin' up the idea that he'd want to use his god's wisdom to try to build something and change my reality. That if we're gonna have the resources with all these different dimensions and shit, then why not at least try.
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[ To be honest. ]
But he was right when he said there's no point in saying no to something I'm not losing out on.
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... I just—I know that I can't do a lot here, that's all. So I want it to be clear to whoever can what my priorities are.
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